


cages and doors

by NotAllThoseWhoWander



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 15:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAllThoseWhoWander/pseuds/NotAllThoseWhoWander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And suddenly Newt is silent, and he's scared. "You too," he says.</p><p>Hermann picks up his cane. He doesn't look at Newt.</p><p>"Me too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	cages and doors

 

* * *

_It doesn't_ feel  _like the end of the world._

* * *

 _  
_I.

 

It's late when they get back to K-Science. The overhead flourescents have timed out, and the only light sources are the machines, blinking red and green and orange, and Newt's fishtanks full of pillaged Kaiju organs. The makeshift speciman tanks cast an eerie blue light, throw both of their faces into sharp contrast.

Hermann's cheekbones look deadly. He stares at his chalkboards, at all the functions and equations scrawled in a mad hand. 

"Well," he says, at last. He leans heavily on the cane.

"Yeah." Newt is a real mess; his shirt is stained and damp with Kaiju blue (or Kaiju saliva, or both) and his hair is a mess and he feels like he's coming down from some kind of crazy-as-fuck high. 

He loves it.

He also feels kind of empty.

There had been so much  _energy_ in that room, in LOCCENT. Everyone cheering and the younger personnel jumping up and down and two girls who had  _sworn_ that they weren't 'involved' had kissed each other right there in front of Tendo's console, and honestly Newt had been about two fucking seconds away from turning to Hermann and just going for it, but of course that would be totally stupid.

"I spent so much time," Hermann says, gazing up at the board. "On these."

"Me too." Newt taps the side of his Kaiju brain. Flinches as the weird shockwave goes through his body. Pretends that it's all fine. "So much fucking  _time_ , man."

They stand in silence for a long time; Hermann with his numbers, Newt with his aliens.

The tank's filtration system hums, low and steady like a heartbeat.

Newt says, "Now what?"

* * *

He doesn't wake up in the middle night with tears on his face.

He doesn't end up in the bathroom down the hall, water dripping from his chin, staring at himself in the mirror to remind himself that he is  _real_ and he is  _human_.

He doesn't stand in the hall outside Hermann's door, shivering in bare feet, listening to music still pumping downstairs.

He doesn't raise his fist and wonder whether to knock or not.

He doesn't. He doesn't.

* * *

They get drunk that night, the first night, after it's all over and everyone's brave enough to turn the music up. When it's late and the room is dim and they've got as much beer and vodka shots pumping through their veins as blood, maybe Newt  _does_ sidle up to Hermann and try to coerce him into dancing, and maybe Hermann pulls away but they definitely end up in the hall outside the Jeager Bay, pressed up against each other and  _fuck_ , he's wanted this for such a long time and  _fuck_ , he's so hard but there are so many people here and loud music and it's not going to happen tonight, is it?

And it doesn't, but that's okay, because before they leave Newt gives Hermann a long, long embrace and the way it feels to hold another person makes him ache.

* * *

He wakes up suddenly, writhing and namelessly terrified.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck—"

There is blood on his pillow. He puts his fingers up to his nose and they come away bloody.

" _Fuck_."

* * *

Hermann's in the K-Science lab, drinking tea and listening to classical music. The high sweep of violin and glare of horns is weirdly comforting.

Should be weirdly comforting.

"Hey." Newt leans on his desk. "I guess we should start cleaning up? Or something? Because, like, the program is kind of done for now, well hopefully forever because, like, as much as I've loved this? The whole world ending all the time I could kind of do without? Not that I haven't—"

He stops cold.

"Hermann."

"What?" Hermann's bent over the desk, stacking up papers. 

"You..." Newt touches his upper lip. Hermann mirrors the move, looks at his fingers, at the blood.

"Oh."

And suddenly Newt is silent, and he's scared. "You too," he says.

Hermann picks up his cane. He doesn't look at Newt.

"Me too."

* * *

They sit together in silence for a long time, Hermann holding a tissue under his nose in a vein attempt to staunch the bleeding.

Newt's breath comes short and panicky.

"Let's not tell anyone," he says, finally, having worked up the courage to do so.

"Impractical." Hermann shakes his head, violently. Newt pretends not to see him flinch. "The truth will come out eventually."

A beat of silence.

"What do you think's happening?"

Afternoon sunlight through the windows. Warmth.

"I do not know. I do not believe that I want to know."

And for the first time, Newt doesn't, either. He wants ignorance.

Another beat of silence, longer now, and infinitely heavy.

"We saved the world, though. We did that."  _Nothing can take that from us._ _  
_

"Yes," Hermann says, softly. "We saved the world."

* * *

_Screaming_

_why is it so_

_loud?_

_underwater should be_

_silent_

_breath of the ocean oh no it's underground we're underground oh we're_

_oh_

_no fuck no fuck oh god wake up oh god wake up oh_

_nonononono don't look at me don't see me don't_

_don't_

_please_

_don't_

_PLEASE DON'T PLEASE DON'T PLEASEDON'T_

_PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always appreciated. I love criticism. Come unto me, people of AO3, and...let me know what you think, yo! Peace out, dudes.


End file.
